ABC has officially bent the knee, and it’s as pathetic as it is predictable. Donald Trump, a man whose skin tone resembles a traffic cone that got left out in the sun too long, snaps his fingers, and suddenly Jimmy Kimmel is off the air indefinitely. The same Jimmy Kimmel who’s been holding down ABC’s late-night slot for over twenty years, the guy who’s been clowning on Trump and MAGA since the campaign escalator ride in 2015, is now sidelined because he dared to say what the rest of us were already thinking. He didn’t celebrate Charlie Kirk’s death. He didn’t mock the family. What he did was call out the obvious hypocrisy of the MAGA cult bending over backwards to spin the shooter into anything but one of their own. And somehow that’s what gets him benched? Give me a break.
Let’s actually talk about what was said, because the pearl-clutchers won’t. Kimmel pointed out that MAGA operatives are already trying to rewrite the narrative, scrambling to distance themselves from a 22-year-old who hated Kirk for the bile he pumped out daily. Was the kid MAGA? Maybe. Maybe not. He was queer, living with a transitioning roommate, and clearly despised Kirk for what he stood for. But that’s not the point. The point is, Kimmel put a mirror up to the cult and said, “this looks like you,” and they lost their collective minds. MAGA doesn’t care about facts, they care about feelings—specifically Trump’s, which bruise easier than a banana in a grocery bag.
And right on cue, the corporate cowards lined up to kiss the ring. Nexstar, sitting on a $6.2 billion merger they need rubber-stamped, immediately started howling about Kimmel’s “insensitivity.” Sinclair, those professional water-carriers for the right, went one step further, demanding Kimmel not only apologize but pony up cash to Charlie Kirk’s family and Turning Point USA. Imagine that—shaking down a comedian for donations to your propaganda outfit because he hurt your feelings. And they weren’t done. They’re replacing his show with a Charlie Kirk tribute special, because nothing screams “we’re independent broadcasters” like groveling for authoritarian approval in prime time.
The cherry on top? Trump himself, crowing like he just pulled off a coup instead of, you know, censoring a late-night talk show. He called it “great news for America,” mocked Kimmel as a “zero talent,” and then, because his paranoia knows no bottom, went after Jimmy Fallon and Seth Meyers too, calling for NBC to fire them outright. This is the same washed-up game show host who’s spent his whole career attacking comedians for doing their job. He doesn’t want satire, he wants sycophants. And now he’s got corporate America helping him muzzle anyone who dares to crack a joke at his expense.
Enter Brendan Carr, Trump’s FCC hatchet man, delivering the kind of line you’d expect from a mob movie: “We can do this the easy way or the hard way.” That’s not oversight. That’s not regulation. That’s a goddamn threat. And ABC, Disney, Nexstar, Sinclair—they all caved. They didn’t even pretend to resist. They didn’t back their guy, the guy who has made them millions over the last two decades. They folded, because protecting their mergers and their stock price matters more than protecting free speech. It’s cowardice masquerading as pragmatism, and it stinks.
And let’s not kid ourselves: people are pissed. Hashtags calling to #CancelDisneyPlus are spreading, and yeah, I canceled mine too. Day-one subscriber, nearly six years, gone tonight. Not because I stopped liking Star Wars or Marvel or the endless carousel of Disney nostalgia, but because at some point you have to vote with your wallet. You can’t punch Mickey Mouse in the face, but you can starve him a little at a time. If Disney wants to keep feeding us platitudes about inclusivity and “the magic of storytelling” while simultaneously selling out one of their own to appease a spray-tanned authoritarian, then screw it. Let them bleed subscribers until they notice.
This isn’t about Jimmy Kimmel, not really. This is about the precedent it sets. Political satire is one of the oldest, most vital forms of speech we’ve got. It’s supposed to challenge power, mock authority, drag hypocrisy out into the light. The second you let a president—especially one as openly fragile and vindictive as Donald Trump—decide who gets to tell jokes on TV, you’ve lost something far bigger than a late-night show. You’ve lost the pretense of independence. You’ve told the world that if you piss off the right people in power, corporate America will throw you under the bus without hesitation.
So here we are. ABC caved. Disney caved. Nexstar caved. Sinclair is busy licking boots like it’s their only job. And Trump is celebrating like the bully who just shoved the class clown into a locker and got the principal to look the other way. This is what happens when free speech meets a regime obsessed with silencing criticism: the corporations fold, the comedians get gagged, and the rest of us are left wondering how much further down this road we’ll go before people start fighting back.
Hollywood After Dark 